Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
