it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
