Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
