Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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