somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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