The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
