You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
