Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
