I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
