Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
