i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
