I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
