meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
