I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
