We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
