Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
