I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
