kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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