soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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