My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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