the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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