So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
