do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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