well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
