All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
