He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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