When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
