I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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