So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
