i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
