Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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