70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
