Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
