I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
