Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
