also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
