Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
