Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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