guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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