I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
