Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
