Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
