so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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