We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think your dad took our porno
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
