There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
