I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
