Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
