oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
