did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
