I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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