So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
the raccoons are back...
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