He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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