on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
