I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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