we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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