Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
