Got a toothbrush?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You're like the curious george of whores
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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